If you’re anything like me as a parent, there are certain times and circumstances when our healthy eating habits go to the wayside. While a treat here and there can be enjoyable and balanced with other food choices, there may be other times where there is an increase in access to sugar and treats. This may be vacations, holidays, hosting guests, stress, and so on. And it is never more apparent that this takes a toll on us than when our children’s behavior starts to unravel. My ten-year-old becomes more sensitive and less flexible. My four-year-old is more emotionally reactive, pushes boundaries, and has more fluctuations in his sleep routines. In moments of behavior challenges or emotional outbursts, it can seem sugar is the cause, and it can be really tempting to say, “that’s it, no more sugar!” or to use it as a bribe or bargaining token “if you can’t behave in acceptable ways, no treat later!” Trust me, I’ve been there. And while there is plenty of evidence that has shown sugar does not cause hyperactivity, there are certainly many good reasons to consider what’s happening in these situations for both you and your child. And how you can proceed to help both of you feel calmer and more successful.
Before the words banishing sugar slip out of your mouth, here are a few questions to consider:
- What has my child understood about limits on sugar prior to this situation?
- Are my expectations for my child’s behavior in this setting reasonable?
- Am I expecting my child to regulate their behavior even though I’m having difficulty regulating my own?
- How much is my child expected to accommodate, wait, compromise in this situation?
- Are there many opportunities for my child to regulate their behavior in this setting through physical activity, calming spaces, or sensori-motor experiences?
- Is vacation or a special gathering the right time to impose a new expectation?
- Am I willing to commit to managing sugar intake at this moment? Do I have the time and energy to follow through? Will it take away my ability or my child’s ability to enjoy the experience?
- Who else am I expecting to stick to my expectation that my child does not have sugar in this situation? Are they able and willing to do that?
- Am I willing to model and change my own behavior?
- Is this an isolated concern or a long-term pattern that needs adjustment?
If any of the questions above resonated with you, here are some tips that might help:
- Reflect on your frustrations and contributing factors with yourself first. Consider both what may be causing your child’s behavior and what may be contributing to how you’re reacting to it. This may include how many activities are scheduled, frequency of physical activity, amount of time waiting, availability of healthy food/water/rest, and so on. Identifying factors that you can control and change in the future to help you and your child feel more successful.
- Connect with your parenting partner and other adults in your child’s life. Exchange your observations about your child’s behavior and contributing factors in situations like this. Consider whether or not you have the same values around expectations and limits for children.
- Make a plan together and be sure you agree on it. Choose the changeable factors you are willing to adjust. Consider the right time to communicate and start the changes. Consistent support from adults is the best way to support children in behavior change. When adults have different expectations or don’t follow-through, it’s harder for children to adapt to the expectations.
- Talk with your children about their behavior. While it may not be the only factor, talk about how sugar and the excitement of special events can be overwhelming. Describe what you notice about their behavior in objective and non-judgemental ways. Describe the impact on others or why it might feel challenging or unsafe.
- Center the guidance for your child on love and support. Explain to your child that you’re going to try some new ideas as a family to help your bodies and manage big feelings. This might include more time outside, more activity, or adjustments in food choices to support our bodies. Avoid “no”, “never”, “always”, or other practices that can be hard for everyone to maintain.
- Choose a time to follow up. Choose a time as a family to reflect on how the changes are making your bodies feel. Discuss elements like energy, responding to stress, and regulating emotional responses. Consider if any adjustments need to be made to the plan.
Above all, give your children and yourself grace! We are complex creatures, physically and emotionally. All the ways that we reflect, grow, and adapt our behaviors together over time is a form of love and taking care of ourselves and others. You don’t need get it right in every moment or all of the time, but you owe it to yourself and your children to reflect and be in the process of growth and learning together.
For more resources on nutrition and healthy eating for children:
Healthy Kids, Healthy Future: https://healthykidshealthyfuture.org/5-healthy-goals/nurture-healthy-eaters/resources/
Kids Health: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/habits.html
Healthy Children: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/default.aspx
For more resources on behavioral regulation:
Hanen Centre: https://www.hanen.org/helpful-info/articles/what-is-behaviour-regulation–and-what-does-it-hav.aspx
Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/
American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/emotion-regulation
Zero to Three: https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/help-your-child-develop-self-control/
Self-Regulation Children’s Book List from The Highly Sensitive Child: https://www.thehighlysensitivechild.com/self-regulation-childrens-picture-books/
Christine M. Snyder 