Act As If You Can

When I initially started my career as an early childhood educator, I had the honor and privilege of hearing an incredible speaker, Chick Moorman. He said something that completely changed how I parent, how I teach children, and how I view myself. Childhood is a unique time of fluctuating independence and dependence, autonomy and reliance, which becomes a delicate balance of helping children develop both their skills and their confidence. In our best efforts, when a child is struggling, we often encourage them to just “try”. The downside is that “trying” includes the possibility of failure. Enter Chick Moorman. He said instead of telling children to try, we should tell them to “act as if you can”. It simply means to persevere, keep working at it until you get it. It falls in line with the “fake it till you make it” approach except children aren’t faking anything, development is simply just in progress. It shifts the mindset from the potential to fail to the likelihood of success or existing ability to be successful.

I often hear adults of my parents’ generation often say that children these days give up too easily. And that may be so. When did we lose our ability to push through and overcome difficulty? When did failure become a moment of despair and giving up rather than a moment of learning and growth?

The issue of instant gratification.
A significant difference in how our society functions now in comparison to 30 or 40 years ago is how quickly our needs are met. The internet, smart phones, fast food, online shopping, Amazon Prime, etc. have made it easier than ever to have anything we need at our fingertips right when we need it whether it is food, information, entertainment, or supplies. We’ve virtually eliminated the necessity of waiting which has decreased children’s ability to think through situations, consider alternatives, and manage their emotions. In turn it has increased impulsivity and the expectation that anything we need will come to us immediately, and potentially without effort.

Distracted from difficulty. 
Closely related to the issue of instant gratification is how much we distract ourselves from things that are boring, uncomfortable, or hard. We even take our cell phones to the bathroom with us as if 5 minutes doing what our bodies are designed to do can’t be given our undivided attention. Beyond the bathroom, we see this as children playing on tablets waiting for their food, watching TV while we get our teeth cleaned. I’ve even seen TVs at gas pumps and in elevators. This habit has weakened our ability to do hard things, to have the attention span for being uncomfortable, resulting in the tendency to give up and lowering our confidence to continue working at it.

Are you modeling perseverance? 
When you find that your child or the children in your life are giving up easily, consider what they are observing in the adults around them. Where are your gaps in confidence and what do you do when something is hard or doesn’t go your way? Are you modeling making multiple attempts, managing your emotions, and continuing your efforts until you’re successful? Consider narrating encounters with difficulty, articulating your brainstorming process, verbalizing feelings as you problem solve, and reflecting on successes. Children learn best by watching adults so if we change our behavior first, they are more likely to change theirs.

In my personal experience as a parent, it is often difficult to modify our behaviors. It can be hard to remember what our long term goals are and persist continually to achieving them. In the face of this challenge, I know I’m going to struggle, but I will continue to work at it and constantly remind myself: “act as if you can”.